Let’s Talk About "Sex" …
Given the recent change to the site that replaced the term “NI” with “Sex,” I thought it would be appropriate to drag out my soapbox to hop on and express my opinion and satisfaction with this change. And, while you may not agree with me, please respect that I am speaking from own perspective, and we can agree to disagree.
Upon joining this site, I did not understand what the term “NI” meant. It was a curious concept to me because my first notion was to think I had missed something in my research with respect to artificial insemination techniques. However, when my cursor hovered over the term “NI” it said “sexual intercourse” and I was puzzled. Here all this time I thought “NI” was some new technology or technique I’d never heard of and in the end it’s just really – sexual intercourse. Now, I’ve heard sex being referred to as “the dirty, dirty,” “making whoopie,” “bumping uglies,” “doing it,” and just plain ‘ol “*&^%*ing,” but never had I ever heard of it referred to as “natural insemination.”
As I became more familiar with the phenomenon of “NI,” it became one of the most entertaining moments of my time spent on KDR. The debating back and forth between members who represent “Team AI” and “Team NI” often made it seem like I was the buffer between the two – I represent both Team AI and Team NI. To receive private messages or chat messages by prospective donors offering “NI” sometimes had the effects of being solicited by a used car salesman, or worse the guys on the Las Vegas Strip handing out the escort service hand bills and trading cards. “Hey, there momma-to-be wanna make a baby with me?” (seriously, they sometimes rhymed) “NI is better than AI” “Get you pregnant – guaranteed!” Seriously? Apparently, in setting up my profile I failed to mention that I didn’t arrive to this point in my life via the stupid train.
However, what I laughed off as men being men and jerks being jerks, I came to realize some women do find this type of behavior to be offensive and downright disrespectful. I’d read about donors “convincing” recipients to go the “NI” route, or that the discussion of “NI” often led to unwarranted lewd and salacious conversations. Of course, no recipient wants to be harassed by some jerk-off, but some donors who are respectful natural inseminators are catching hell for a few bad apples. And, the debate of whether AI is effective as “NI” leads to a constant debate based on inconclusive evidence, and is usually one filled with negativity about the individuals involved or the process itself. Not all donors who agree to sex are sex-crazed perverts and not all recipients who choose sex are careless whores.
Why do I have a problem with the term “NI”?
The reason I have a problem is that “NI” is sexual intercourse. Whether you are gay, straight or asexual you should have some understanding of the concept of sexual intercourse. When someone tries to convince me otherwise, I break it down to its purest technical definition. Sexual intercourse is when a man’s penis penetrates a woman’s vagina. Those who believe that “NI” is not sex have convinced themselves of this fact based purely on an emotional level. This becomes evident when I try to ascertain how a donor will be able to perform “NI” if his penis does not penetrate my vagina. Quickly the response to that question is an emotional response. “It’s not the same as when I have sex with my wife or girlfriend” Or, “I'm not here to please you, romance you, or give you passion.” My question is simply to explain to me how it is different – physically. The point of this exchange is never to question the motivations or intent of a donor, but to come to a mutual understanding that the act of sexual intercourse is involved. I am human with feelings and emotions and I am protective of my body, I do not ever wanted to be equated to some farm animal that gets mounted, or some inhuman, inanimate object that is a vessel for sperm deposits. Some donors and recipients will go through great pains to convince themselves that “NI” does not involve sex. Nowhere has it ever been stated that sexual intercourse was dependent on whether a man ejaculated or not, or whether it was for conception purposes or not, whether it was good or bad, or whether it was meant to be passionate and romantic. To take it to an extreme, a victim of sexual assault would never parse the meaning of sexual intercourse or rephrase it to make it sound "nicer." So why should I?
However, I do find that to conceive by sexual intercourse with a donor one of your greatest coping strategies must include the the ability to compartmentalize your feelings and emotions. These donors are not our boyfriends, lovers or friend with benefits. Their kindness, politeness and compassion are rarely from a place of romance or love. Their purpose in our life at this moment in time is to achieve conception. I would dissuade any person from conceiving by sexual intercourse who could not mentally and emotionally handle separating sex from love. Men do it better than women, hence “It's not the same as when I have sex with my wife or girlfriend.”
What good can come from a name change?
I believe before we criticize the change, we seek to find some benefit from it. I believe it is a woman’s innate response, sort of like a defense mechanism, to always be on guard when “sexual intercourse” is the subject of any discussion. A woman subconsciously navigates her day with the hopes of not falling victim to a sexual assault. It is the reason we don’t walk down dark streets, or go to unfamiliar places alone, and rethink our outfits in certain settings. To camouflage an act we are familiar with and rename it for the sake of making it a “nicer” two-letter acronym does a disservice to the recipient, especially new recipients. If a new recipient checks the box for “sex” she is better prepared to activate that 6th sense and be on guard for disingenuous donors. She understands sex better, whereas “NI” may be a novel concept or one she may feel ignorant and insecure about because this whole donor process can be overwhelming. The use of "NI" allows an ill-spirited donor to exploit that ignorance, harass, and disrespect recipients; or, worse convince a recipient to do something she would not ordinarily do as only a good snake charmer can.
Thus, I believe the use of the term “sex” or "sexual intercourse" puts the advantage back in the court of the recipients to practice caution and care in their conception choice and their donor choice. Afterall, babies have been conceived through sexual intercourse long before KDR came along, and there is nothing new or advanced in the technique of making babies the “good old fashioned way.”