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just a little about me

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I just wanted to take some time to write a bit about myself. I've noticed a couple of dislikes on my page and I'm guessing those are probably from donors I've either said no to, didn't reply to, or people who might have been unhappy with my depressing stats about my frustration finding a donor. My frustration, I can apologize for that. I've been on this site before and I knew what to expect. I made this profile as a way to be a little more vigilant and to not be so judged by potential donors, whether it was just judgement based on my looks or my preference to NI. As for the donors I've either rejected or ignored - I will not apologize for that. I do not tolerate disrespect, filth, mistreatment of this site or donors making demands. Forgive me, but this is quite a sensitive thing we are all doing here and for myself, I can honestly say, I won't respond to someone if I think that they are jumping the gun on things or making "demands". Asking for my health information, I can understand - but I think developing a rapport is a little more important first and that is my preference. So, when a potential donor messages me and within the first message or two says they have "requirements" of seeing personal paperwork and knowing certain personal information about me - well, I don't take kindly to that because I would feel more comfortable sharing that information on my own terms. I'm not going to willy-nilly give out my medical records to someone that I'm not even sure I may like. And yes, liking someone, being comfortable with them - is *very* important to me. I understand that NI is not the "traditional" method through this website and I respect that. Quite honestly, I don't know much about AI and I don't really care to. NI, for me, is much more straightforward and to the point. Hence, my preference to it. 

This is not a decision that you make overnight - and if it is ... well, then all I can say is, you're braver than I. This is something that took me over a year to decide. Not to decide, "do I want a child?" because I have always wanted children. It took me a long time to decide if doing it on my own was for the best. And I think it is. I know it is. My family is wonderfully supportive. I was raised by a single mother and although the general consensus is that children are better off with the typical mother-father family scenario, I don't subscribe to that particular belief. Your children are who you make them to be. And having a "traditional" family isn't for everyone, I suppose. I'm a big supporter of gay and lesbian rights (I think being on this site, *that* should be the general consensus!) and I believe that two women or two men or two women and an involved donor or two men and an involved surrogate - whatever the choice is - can work out equally, if not better, for a child then a "traditional" home. And I believe that a single parent is also just as effective at raising a child or a family. It just all depends on how committed you are to your family, how selfless you can be and how much love you can not only give, but show. I have very strong opinions on these things. 

I am not perfect, I know that. But I have a good head on my shoulders (I like to think so, anyhow) and I have never had a problem sacrificing myself for the benefit of someone else. Its just ingrained in me. Using this website - it caused some stress, I can't lie. Donors making demands, or having "requirements". That makes me uncomfortable. Even as a recipient, I cannot bring myself to say that things I desire in a donor are necessarily "requirements" or demands. I have preferences, sure. And I would hope people wouldn't judge me based on those preferences. But to me - a donor making demands or throwing out their requirements before I've even gotten comfortable with them or had the chance to tell them anything about myself - its kind of like having a stranger invade your personal space. Its uncomfortable and very undesirable. And instead of causing any problems, because let's be honest, sometimes being truthful with someone doesn't always work in your favor, I just delete the messages and move on. I am sure those donors will not have any trouble finding other recipients who are more at ease with that approach. But me personally, I'm just not. This is the internet, after all. And we don't all really know who we're talking to exactly. I know I fib a bit on here to protect myself - nothing major, but I'm not going to name the small town I live in. I'd much rather name the bigger suburb close by to avoid any issues. As a recipient, I worry about using a donor and having that donor come after me for parental rights later on, so - even though it is the "known" donor registry, I think for security purposes, I like to have a little bit of comfort in not completely divulging all of my personal information. Anything that is relevant to the NI process and pregnancy, health, etc - that stuff, I have no fear of sharing, but again, on my own terms. 

I wrote an awful lot haha I guess I just wanted to explain a little. Not everyone is going to like me, I know that. But to get a couple of dislikes because I either got scared off by something a donor said or uncomfortable - I don't think that is entirely fair. Maybe if they understood why, then they could be more sensitive to recipients the next time around. I don't know. I do know that I found a donor willing to step in where my original donor disappeared - which is a lifesaver for me :) I'm very excited about meeting him and can't wait to see what happens! I'm hoping for all the best and hope the same for everyone else out there!

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  • Good luck, Marty. Be diligent, and hopefully the right NI donor will come along for you.

    1 Like
  • Guest - marty225

    In reply to: terminologybreakdown

    thank you - I can honestly say its the awesome, supportive people on here that have kept my spirits up through this insanity!

    0 Like
  • The link/dislike has been removed from profiles, it;'s not terribly constructive and some people go around disliking profiles for what I suspect are less than honest reasons.

    0 Like
  • Guest - marty225

    In reply to: BethG

    Yes, I can agree with that. I wish more donors and recipients would use the review option so that its more clear as to what the "dislike" or "like" is.

    0 Like
  • Good luck with everything here! I joined here to help people like you and I know that if someone asks for my help, I'll do what I can (within reason) to help the woman in need. If you ever need to just talk, as well, I'll hear you out.

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